Cabbie

England has roads that are built to be safe with good surfaces, consistent lane widths and good visibility at junctions, but that is where it ends. Forests of metal poles supposedly warning the driver of death-risk hazards have sprung up everywhere. Signs that direct you to the right destination are fine but in other respects our streetscape has become a disgusting expression of bureaucratic excess.

Alan Duncan, MP for Rutland & Melton, published a Private Member’s Bill in December 2006 which he had hoped would give local authorities duties to reduce the visual impact of street signs and traffic calming measures and to publish policies on ensuring that highways developments are in keeping with local surroundings. In his forthcoming book he estimates that there are well over one million unnecessary road signs in Britain.

He goes on to say: “These signs are the result of the worst examples of official inertia. Highways departments take the rules, and then over implement them. A guideline or regulation that says that a sign ‘might’ be required is usually put before a committee, which decides that it ‘must be used. ‘Oh dear,’ the committee members fret, ‘We might be sued if we don’t put the sign in.’ Even the tiniest bend in the road is assumed to need a warning sign to avoid the risk of the local council being taken to court if someone drives into a hedge.

So, here is the start of a list of signs that could safely be removed without any detrimental effect on the nation. On any main road, roundabouts are announced by large green directional signs that provide route information. You can tell the sign relates to a roundabout because, not surprisingly, the image looks like a roundabout. So why do we need, in front of it, a red-edged triangular sign warning drivers they are approaching a roundabout? Take all the triangular signs away.

When nearing a set of traffic lights, whose coloured bulbs glaringly inform you that there are traffic lights ahead, why must we have a series of red-edged triangular signs with a picture of traffic lights on them? The whole point about traffic lights is that they are designed to be seen.

Perhaps the greatest explosion of useless metalwork is caused by the number of blue roundels marking a cycle path. Keep the cycle paths but get rid of those ghastly signs. There is no need for them. If it is a shared pavement, just a stencil on the ground can mark it out.

Arguably the worst signs are those that say ‘New Road Layout Ahead’, or any such supposedly temporary red signs that, under current regulations, should remain in place for a maximum of three months, most stay for much longer, some even for years. Only a few councils have a proper system for removing them after their ‘temporary’ life span and such a widespread display of neglect and incompetence is a sad reflection on local authorities’ attention to the standards we all deserve.

Our roads into the capital are shaming. The Finchley and Holloway Roads are a national embarrassment. Such was the lunacy of Transport for London under Ken Livingstone that red route signs have been fastened to a post or lamppost every few yards for mile after mile on the roads into our capital city.

New signs come in; yet old ones remain. One layer of signs is planted in front of another, creating obscurity and confusion. A lack of initiative at Government level, over-design by highways engineers and contractors, and the fear of litigation all combine to make our streets ugly and confusing.

Get rid of this street clutter. Uproot it all now.”

Thanks to Alan Duncan MP for permission to reproduce this article.

Montage courtesy of freefoto.com

There comes a time in every fathers life (see panel on right) which he anticipates and dreads in equal measure. With just six words, your little girl grows up and your bank balance changes irrevocably.

“Dad, I’m going to get married” whoosh 30 years of your life has flashed by and it will never be the same again.

First came “the dress”, my luck was in, I would not be required during this part of the process, and only cabbie wife accompanied my daughter to choose said garment.

“The dress has cost double what we budgeted for” was the opening gambit as they returned from their shopping foray. My head snapped up with such force from a quiet read of my newspaper, that at first I feared a trip to an osteopath would be required.

“But never mind, we can economise with some of the other items”, was the solution for my wallet.

No limousine for my daughter as she wants a white taxi just like Dad’s. Great thinks I, pick up from house off to church then on to the reception. Two hours work on tariff 2, £40 tops.

And this is where the “W” word comes in. For whenever the word that dare not speak its name is mentioned (WEDDING) you add a nought at the end of the price.

“One white cab, flowers and ribbon £400, but to you Squire with a trade discount £360, do you require chilled champagne at £40 a bottle or a release of white doves?”

“We need a function room for late afternoon and evening, considering we are in a recession what’s your best price?” was my opening gambit on the phone. “Is that for a wedding? Then its £2,000”. “Oh! Yes and the meals we serve in the public restaurant costing £12.50, we will charge you £27 plus VAT.

The organist at the church you would have thought a rather charitable chap helping out on Sunday, his fee for 45 minutes graft . . . £100.

Now I’m the sort of husband that occasionally, just occasionally buys his wife flowers. So I know a thing or two about their cost, but when the “W” is mentioned 60 carnations wrapped in silver foil at £3 each! Vases on the tables, cost in IKEA £10 for six, “Well Sir, we can rent you the vases for £7.50 each plus VAT”.

Now, does anyone want a cab, I promise not to mention the “W” word.

They are becoming a familiar sight alongside many British roads.

More than 100 old bicycles painted white and chained to lamp posts and railings have sprung up at ‘danger-spots’ over the past year.

 

Dubbed ‘ghost-bikes’, they have been put there to warn motorists approaching dangerous bends to look out for cyclists and, in many cases, have been left at locations where riders were killed.

 

The UK campaign was started by road safety campaigner Steve Allen after his friend James Foster was struck by a drunk driver doing 55mph on a 30mph road as he cycled in north London. Angry at what he believed to be a lenient sentence, Steve set off on a quest to highlight the dangers for cyclists on Britain’s roads.

 

Mr Allen established a United Kingdom branch of Ghost Bikes a group that operates in 43 countries. Picking up the bikes for a pittance from landfill dumps and scrap metal merchants he painted them white in his back garden. Now more than 100 of them are to be found in London, Oxfordshire, Manchester and Brighton, although local councils have removed many of them.

 

One of the white bikes is on a junction in Hackney, North London. It was erected in April after the death of cyclist Anthony Smith, 37, who was crushed by a lorry. 

Cabbie.blog.com for once does not have much to say, just it’s a pity these selfish drivers that I see every day on London’s roads didn’t for one moment think what these bikes mean. Keep up the good work Steve.

An excellent piece on London’s selfish drivers can be found on cabbiescapital 

 

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I don’t make a bean so why should you? Lecture over, now read on.

Quiet Cabbie

The next time you use a London cab; don’t be surprised at the eerie silence. No Capital Gold playing inane music, no talk from LBC 97.3 or Robert Elms beloved by cabbies on Radio London. Not a sound emanating from the cabbie’s radio, the only sound emanating from his mouth is putting the world to rights.

This is all down to the Music Mullahs; the Performing Rights Society who is insisting that everyone who plays a radio that can be heard by their customers will have to pay for the privilege, even on talk only stations.

This Performing Rights Society, whose royalty-collection service keeps many a struggling musician in Class A drugs, has recently raided the Essex workshop of mechanic Len Attwood because he wasn’t displaying one of their stickers to prove he had paid £44 plus VAT and had a licence to play music in public.

Len told them he didn’t need one because he didn’t have a radio. Ah, but your customers have radios in their cars, he was informed, and they don’t always turn them off when they drive into the workshop.

Therefore, unless he bought a licence, he could be fined £2,000. Either that, or put up a prominent notice ordering customers to switch off their radios at the door, and he cannot repair car radios. Since his first encounter with PRS Len has received six letters and two further phone calls.
 
If you look at PRS’s website you are asked how many customers you have, presumably this relates to the fee you will be charged for listening to your radio. So what does a cabbie do? Ten jobs a day with on average 2 passengers multiply by 5 days multiply by
48 weeks and then submit that figure.

Where will all this end? Technically, if you carry passengers in your cab, any music or even jingles from speech only stations, you play through the radio; i-Pod or CD player must constitute a public performance.

Soon they’ll be setting up road blocks in conjunction with the PRS.

“Why have you pulled me over, officer? I haven’t been drinking and I certainly wasn’t exceeding the speed limit.”

“I have reason to believe you have been listening to Radio 2 without a licence and in addition your fare’s mobile phone has just rung with an unauthorised ring tone. Hand over you keys, sir, you’re nicked.”

Karaoke Cabbie
At the other end of the decibel scale, a Chinese taxi driver says business is booming since he installed a karaoke machine in his cab for customers. Fan Xiaoming spent £600 on three flat screens, 16 speakers, amplifiers and disco lights, reports New Culture Daily. And he says takings have shot up since he transformed his cab into what he calls “Changchun’s only karaoke cab” last month. “Many people ask for my number for their next trip,” he said. “And sometimes they even ask me to take a longer route so they can spend more time singing.” Fan says the passengers’ singing doesn’t distract him from driving, since he already knows all the songs and it’s just like listening to the radio. “I only sing during my lunch break with some cab driver buddies,” he added. Fan, a cab driver for nine years, said he had always harboured ambitions to be a singer himself, but never had the time as he was always behind the wheel. “Then one day I suddenly thought, since I spent most of my time in the taxi, why not install a karaoke machine in the cab?”
 

Dogs are called Man’s Best Friend and this week’s blog is an excuse to include a picture of cabbie.blog.com’s best friend.

Cute they may be, but not so appealing for some motorists.

According to the vehicle breakdown service the RAC, dogs are the most frequent animal offenders and several have managed to shut their owners out of their vehicles on garage forecourts by activating the locks with their paws. Its patrols have also attended incidents where dogs had swallowed car keys and damaged vehicles by chewing the wires and steering wheels.

Animals are also to blame for other incidents. One patrol was called out to a car that wouldn’t start to discover a family of rats living in the fuse box, where they had chewed through all the wires. Another patrolman had a more traumatic day; he had to fix a van with an alligator inside. Another speedy patrol helped restart a transporter taking a cheetah to a zoo before it was dinner time!

A kitten being driven to his new home panicked on arrival and escaped into the dashboard of the vehicle. The entire dashboard had to be dismantled. Similar call-outs involved snakes, mice and hamsters hiding within the vehicle.

A particular favourite of mine involves a patrolman opening the back of a broken down van to be startled on finding 17 pairs of eyes staring back at him belonging to a cast of falcons.

Another RAC member was mystified as to why he couldn’t unlock his car and, on arrival, the patrol had to point out that he was trying to get into the wrong vehicle.

One motorist had more money than sense when he managed to lock £80,000 in cash inside his boot.

One in three of the motoring organisation’s patrols also reported that they had arrived at a call-out to find amorous couples in the broken down vehicle.

A survey of its patrols found 39 per cent had helped a motorist get to a life-changing event, such as a getting to a wedding on time and one even reported helping to deliver a baby.

RAC patrol person of the year Iain Vale said: “Our patrols respond to around 2.7 million roadside assistance call-outs every year and this survey reveals the extent of the very odd and unusual nature of what sometimes awaits us. Whether it’s meeting members who keep their dog’s ashes in an urn in the car, calls asking whether they can extend breakdown cover to their electric wheelchairs, or a new kitten that’s panicked and hidden in the dashboard, we get our hands dirty.”

The RAC’s other bizarre call-outs included:

A hapless groom nearly didn’t marry his bride when he locked the wedding rings in his car.

A £30,000 violin had to be rescued by a RAC patrol from a jammed seat belt so that its owner could get to a concert in time.

One RAC patrol rescued a referee on his way to a football match just hours before the game was due to kick off.

Another patrol rescued a police car, stuck up to its windows in mud having chased a runaway criminal across a ploughed field.

Fat Cats (and Dogs)

Don’t worry about the collapse of the banks, the credit crunch and the looming recession, this is really serious stuff. The Department for Environmental, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA), has just published a report that puts all these other problems in the shade.

Owners of fat cats and obese dogs could be fined up to £20,000 or jailed under these new controversial Government rules! No, it’s not a wind up and I’m not having a laugh, it goes into detail to remind pet owners of their responsibilities under the new law.

It tells owners to provide “entertainment” and “Mental stimulation” for pets, making sure upstairs windows are “cat-proofed” to stop animals falling out and to avoid taking dogs for a walk in the hottest part of the day. Pet owners should also ensure that they give animals a suitable place to live and “somewhere to go to the toilet”.

So don’t forget, the next time your cat or dog is looking bored, entertain them with a song and allow them to join in the family quiz for their mental stimulation. And if your dog asks to go “walkies” and it’s hot outside, just lead him into his private toilet. I shudder to think just how much of the taxpayer’s money has been spent on this patronising and ridiculous Bill that assumes all pet owners are dopey.

I would refer you now to the above photo, is cabbie.blog’s dog OK?

As homage to the demise of Woolworths here is my own cabbie.blog.com pick and mix:

Celebrities Owning Cabs
Who on earth would want to own a London Black Cab apart from a working cabbie? Well it would seem there are quite a few well known people who are prepared to put up with its many faults. Uncomfortable, poor braking, rattles, high tyre wear, unless heater and yes some go up in flames. Oh, I could go on ad infinitum.

People who are easily recognisable like the anonymity that a cab gives you in London, coupled with its 25 foot turning circle.

Here are a few unlucky owners. Kate Moss’s cab was given to her by friends, whom according to reports included Sadie Frost, as a gift appreciation for the lavish gifts that Moss gave them over the years. It is entertaining to learn that a popular and glamorous model like Kate now owns one of these vehicles. But research the net and you will find Kate Moss is not the only celebrity owning the ubiquitous London Taxi Cab.

Amongst them are: the California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who has purchased a fleet of London Black Cabs to be exported to California for his own personal use and entrepreneur Larry Smith who has bought the exclusive rights to the vehicles after they caught his eye during a family holiday to England in 2000, film director Stanley Kubrick, actor Ian Butcher, Stephen Fry and even Prince Philip have owned them.

As you never know now times are tough, we cabbies could face some competition from them.

Cab Shelters

Looking like overgrown garden sheds; these distinctive buildings can still be found on the streets of London, offering shelter for the drivers of hansom cabs and hackney carriages (taxis) since 1875.

Because cab drivers weren’t allowed to leave their vehicles when parked at a stand, it was difficult for them to get a hot meal while at work, so The Earl of Shaftsbury (God bless ‘im) and a few philanthropic chums decided to create a cabbie’s charity in 1874.

Entitled the Cabmen’s Shelter Fund, the charity set out to construct and run shelters to provide cabbies with “good and wholesome refreshments at moderate prices”. Between 1875 and 1914, a total of 61 shelters were built at cost of around £200 each.

Because the shelters stood on a public highway, the police stipulated that they weren’t allowed to be any larger than a horse and cart.

Even with those restrictions, the huts still managed to wedge in a working kitchen and accommodate between ten and thirteen men. The shelters came with seats and tables and were stocked with books and newspapers, usually donated by the publishers and other benefactors. Gambling, drinking and swearing were strictly forbidden.

Still maintained by the Cabmen’s Shelter Fund, thirteen of these shelters still exist
(all now Grade II listed buildings).

The surviving shelters can be seen at:
Chelsea Embankment; Grosvenor Gardens; Hanover Square; Kensington Park Road; Kensington Road; Russell Square; St George’s Square; Temple Place; Thurloe Place; Warwick Avenue; and Wellington Place.

Pedometers

If you happen to be in Japan and are constantly fretting over the high cost of taxis, then a tiny plastic gadget called Taxi Walker might just deliver peace of mind this winter. Costing about £13, Taxi Walker is a belt-style pedometer that measures how far you’ve walked in any given period and converts it into the equivalent taxi fare.

The idea is that next time you fancy a taxi ride in Japan you should set off on foot instead and then gloat at how much you’ve saved when you reach your destination.

It couldn’t take off over here, could it?

A change in attitudes has taken place in London over the past few years. Since man first discovered paint graffiti has been the bane for any owner of a wall, or cave which is suitable for tagging.

In the 1970s a successful campaign was started proclaiming on any suitable wall
G. DAVIS IS INNOCENT O.K. It was claimed that a Mr. Davis was “fitted up” by the police for an armed payroll robbery and after a long campaign the courts were forced to release him. (He was banged up later for a crime he really had committed).

Other well known sayings daubed on walls are: “If voting changed anything, they would ban it”; or “Jesus Saves, at the Woolwich”.

Now an artistic genius has changed many peoples perception of street art. This person, who revels in his anonymity, goes under the name of Banksy.

Banksy’s stencils feature striking and humorous images occasionally combined with slogans. The message is usually anti-war, anti-capitalist or anti-establishment. Subjects include animals such as monkeys and rats, policemen, soldiers, children, and the elderly.

Banksy even smuggled one of his works into Tate Britain art gallery which went unnoticed until it crashed to the floor hours later.

So loved are his anarchic offerings, a parody of a Tesco flag being raised painted on a wall in Islington North London has a Perspex screen put in front of it, as if it needs protecting like the Mona Lisa.

Many people regard Banksy as a generic name for a group of like minded artists, hell bent on changing people’s perception of authority, one of my favourites is the simple slogan: One nation under CCTV. Another image depicted a scene from Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction, with Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta clutching bananas instead of guns, alas London transport workers painted over this mural which was estimated to be worth more than £300,000.

So what is to be done to combat vandalism? A recent story of an oik after being given community service was told to wear a high visibility vest while cleaning up public property, he refused to wear the vest as his friends were making fun of him, so he walked away from his duties, jail him or what?

Answers on a postcard or written on any suitable building please.
An excellent site for graffiti images is to be found at the art of the state

After this piece was written we have heard of the death of Rosie, George Davis’ ex-wife from cancer. She was the driving force with Peter Chappell to free George Davis. An excellent article has been written in The Daily Mail of the campaign and Rosie has also written a book recording her involvement.

It has now become the norm for local authorities to close roads for weeks, months and even years on end to allow private developers to get rich quick to the detriment of council taxpayers and just about everyone else. This trend was started by Westminster City Council when a few years ago they closed off the south side of Berkley Square and then followed with their piece de resistance, the closure of Edinburgh Gate, along with large swathes of public highway around Scotch House.
 
If you were thinking that we had reached the limit of audacity that even the property developers and local councillors thought they could get away with, then you would be wrong. There cannot be a cab driver in London who has not, at some time in the last few months, been stuck in the catastrophe that was until recently the Aldgate gyratory system.

This is by far the single worse traffic scheme to be imposed on London since some idiot decided it would be a good idea, to allow a few backpackers and economy tourists to eat their packed lunches in the road outside the National Gallery, closing off the entire north side of Trafalgar Square.

At Aldgate the surrounding areas of Whitechapel and Spitalfields are now gridlocked for virtually the entire day and the queue of stationery traffic spreads throughout all the small residential streets around this area.

The Aldgate East gyratory was built in the Seventies but has been criticised ever since for creating a “racetrack” mentality among motorists, terrifying pedestrians and cyclists. The word racetrack in this context is a euphemism for no traffic jams, and about the only road left in London where you can travel at 30mph.

Under an £8 million engineering scheme due to take the rest of the year, Whitechapel High Street will be returned to two-way traffic. Braham Street, which runs parallel with Whitechapel High Street to the South will be transformed next year (see picture above). Pavements will be widened and a new entrance to Aldgate East Tube station will be created.

The project, overseen by Transport for London, is being funded by developer Tishman Speyer, which plans to build a commercial development at the eastern end of Braham Street. In return, the company will be given the parcel of land, currently the highway, for free.

This commercial development, which will no doubt remain empty just like the dozens of others within a few hundred yards, is being built on what was a public highway. Even after The Great Fire of London much to the annoyance of Sir Christopher Wren, people rebuilt their houses on the same footprint so the road layouts remained untouched.

But now quite how somebody “buys” a four lane stretch of public highway has yet to be explained, but it’s happened. What next? Why not close the Victoria Embankment under the guise of making it more pedestrian friendly and then sell it off to build a mile long block of luxury flats with river views?